1、既然青春留不住，天冷还得穿秋裤。
Since the youth can not stay, the cold still have to wear long Johns.
2、晚上我偷偷问魔镜：“魔镜，魔镜，我是不是世上最黑的人？”魔镜发出惊恐的声音：“谁？谁在说话？”
Night I secretly ask the mirror: "mirror, mirror, am I the worlds blackest person?" The mirror made a frightened voice, "Who? Who is speaking?"
3、曾经我也是靠脸吃饭的，后来差点饿死街头。
Once I also rely on the face to eat, and then almost starved to death in the streets.
4、女孩子一定不能太胖，万一哪天着火了，消防员哥哥救别人都是公主抱，只有你是：“123起。”
The girls certain can too fat, in case which day catch fire, fireman elder brother saves others all is princess embrace, only you are: "123 rise."
5、人的想法是会变的，以前我总想要致富，现在不一样了，现在只想脱贫。
Peoples ideas change. Before, I always wanted to get rich, but now I just want to get out of poverty.
6、打开美颜：女娲怎么会造出这等绝世美人。打开原相机：让我翻翻我在山海经的哪一页。
Open the beauty: how can Nuwa create such a peerless beauty. Open the original camera: let me turn over which page I am in the Classic of Mountains and Seas.
7、朋友圈都是打工人，我就纳闷了，我们工人做错了什么，要打我们？
Circle of friends are working people, I wonder, what did our workers do wrong, to hit us?
8、被一道数学题难住了，于是我把题目对着天空讲了一遍，毕竟人算不如天算。
Stumped by a math problem, so I put the topic to the sky to speak again, after all, the man is not as good as the day.
9、我以前很瘦，未来也会很瘦；所以我现在先胖一段时间，要不然人生不够圆满。
I was thin and I always will be thin. So now I first put on weight for a period of time, otherwise life is not satisfactory.
10、我和蚊子其实是很好的朋友，我们经常玩捉迷藏，它赢了就让它吸我血，我赢了就要它的命。
Mosquito and I are actually very good friends, we often play hide and seek, it won let it suck my blood, I won its life.
11、刚刚查完银行卡余额，我这颗悬着的心终于不跳了。
Just check the bank card balance, my heart is hanging finally do not jump.
12、相了两个亲，一个有房但稍微有点矮，一个又高又帅但是没房，我纠结了一整天，刚刚介绍人发信息说，两个都没看上我。
I had two dates, one with a house but a little short, and the other tall and handsome but without a house. I struggled all day, and the introducer just texted me that neither of them liked me.
13、别再抱怨你在十几亿人中都找不到一个对的人了，考试时你选择题四个选项都找不到一个对的。
Stop complaining that you can find one right person out of a billion people. You can find one right person out of four multiple choice questions on a test.
14、玉皇大帝年纪大了，但一直不肯改名叫玉皇老帝，因为他害怕别人跟他打招呼：“来了，老弟”。
The Jade Emperor was an old man, but he refused to change his name to Jade Emperor Laodi, because he was afraid that people would say, "Here you are, brother."
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